#and communication and openess which are scary and im trying to get better at them

[yearning-gay]

god. god fuck fuck fuck i'd love to have the kinds of relationships with my friends where we can just have sex occasionally but imagine if things were that simple

[genderkoolaid]

I feel like you would get this, seeing this comment section kinda hurt. The OP they are responding to is a non-binary trans man who was talking about feeling uncomfortable because they still feel attraction to lesbians and have felt very excluded. He’s wary around certain lesbians because they center their ideology around hating men regardless of gender identity and has faced a lot of anti-transmasculinity and transmisogyny. While most lesbians are wonderful amazing people there’s no denying that some do hold an innate hatred for men, not saying they need to like men. I fully understand lesbians and predatory cis men but there’s definitely lesbians who would date trans men. It can be scary for a trans man to come out or start transitioning because at what point do they become too masculine or too much of a man for their friends. There were even people in the comments saying the same anti-man statements who identify as a he/him nonbinary lesbian. This topic is very hard to hear for me as a closeted genderfluid person because my best friend is a man hating lesbian and I dread the day I can actually begin transitioning and she turns her back on me like these people. Queer spaces in general can be hard to occupy as a multi gendered person because of those people as well as mlm/nblm spaces that say ‘fem aligned dni’. In general I don’t think we should police labels and everyone has their own interpretation and I think labels are just a suggestion anyway but I suppose that makes sense for a genderfluid bisexual person.

These people just straight up do not understand the gender diversity that has always existed in lesbian spaces (by which I mean spaces built & catering to queer women & those seen as women).

There have always been trans men in lesbian spaces. You aren't obligated to fuck them, but they have always been there. There are pages and pages of writing out there not only by trans male dykes, but by the lesbian cis women who love them and still identify as lesbians while in relationships with them. There are trans guys at dyke bars right now as we speak having a great time.

Its not surprising to me that there are he/him NB lesbians supporting this. There are a lot of people out there who, because they don't identify As Men, mentally distance themselves from those who do despite any similarities. It's okay for THEM to be lesbians, and it's transphobic to erase THEIR lesbianism because they are Non-Men™! but once you cross that line you become the enemy. It's very "no you gyns I'm TOTALLY different than those gross tbros i promise im not a man at all and i will never want to be one so im allowed in the club!" The same people also throw multigender people under the bus. Trying to figure out your nonbinary in this environment is hellish (I speak from experience) because people pretend like they are super accepting of nonbinary people, until you realize that if you ever think of yourself as even slightly male people will start seeing you as a predatory invader trying to Force Lesbians To Date Men! Very "complex gender for me but not for thee"

Anyways. Twitter is not a good place. Anon, I hope you find better friends. Not every queer space is this hostile to us, I promise. There are people out there who genuinely work to make our community better and I hope you find them.

[heckyeahlolitafashion]

Hi, everyone! As promised, here’s the roundup of questions and comments you all sent in. Thank you very much for celebrating HYLF’s anniversabirthday and making it a very fun one!

Anonymous said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           have you ever tasted sand I don't like sand... It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. @calimorea​ said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           Hello! Thank you for your dedication to the blog! What would you say is the safest site to buy from? Hmm. Well I guess the “safest” would be brand shops like Baby, AP, Meta, etc. I’ve never heard of anyone running into troubles buying straight from the brands. Taobao brands area also pretty reliable, since the site rates shops using user feedback. (Infanta used as an example. The crowns are a good thing.)

Similarly Lace Market has a feedback system that lets a buyer know whether a seller is trustworthy. (User picked off the front page at random.)

Anonymous said to heckyeahlolitafashion:          hey im a mean anon just kidding!!! i love you Haha hello mean anon, thank you!

@mrs-cheese said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           I really love your blog, have been following you for quite a while now. Thanks for running it <3

Thank you for supporting it! @tomanynames​ said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           Happy birthday!! I really love your blog as it helps me keep up to date on what's going on with new brand stuff; what's your fav accessory?

Thank you! My favourite kind of accessory is probably boater hats. They go great with sweet, classic, country, sailor, really tons of styles, and they give off a spring/summer vibe while still being practical. And of course they’re completely adorable! (Pictured: Alice and the Pirates' Rose Lace Boater Hat)

Anonymous said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           happy birthday! and for a question, what made you decide to run a Lolita blog? and what's your fave style of Lolita?

Thank you! Honestly my motivation was pretty simple. I kept seeing lolita fashion posts I wanted to reblog, but my main is pretty much personal and fandom stuff, so I didn’t want it to be overrun with pretty clothes. I decided to make a sideblog to which I could post and reblog lolita to my heart’s content, and four years later I’m pretty much doing the same thing! As for my favourite style, the boater hats may have tipped you off, but I really like country lolita! I love gingham and twintails and straw handbags, plus the whole look just says “spring is here!” Canadian winters can be pretty rough, and seeing gingham pop up in brand shops is like the lolita equivalent of the first robin of spring.

@naminesfriend​ said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           Do you trust dresslily for shopping? Have you ever purchased from there before?

Heck no. When you’re not sure if a shop is reliable, try googling “is [shop name] reliable? In the case of Dresslily, this brings up a Facebook group called “People Scammed By Dress Lily“ and a BBB rating of 1.2. If it sounds like it’s too good to be true, chances are, it is! Stay safe, friends.

Anonymous said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           Hey!! I've been really nervous to start wearing lolita fashion since I'm plus size and more masculine aligned but this blog has motivated me to start to try and sew my own clothing!! I've been really excited since I have some really nice frilly ideas that might look really nice!! I just really wanted to thank you (and the lolita fashion community) for motivating me to be more confident in myself!!! I hope you have a lovely day! 💖💖💖

That’s great, I’m so happy for you! I love when lolita fashion can help people find confidence and look the way they want to look. Lots of luck in your fashionable ventures!

Anonymous said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           What's your personal favorite type/style of lolita fashion? Do you have a favorite brand or favorite line?

Like I mentioned, my favourite style is country, but I also love sailor lolita! Sailor collars are adorable, plus I love how it celebrates the inherent cuteness of sailor uniforms, without getting skeezy like sexy schoolgirl costumes... I hate those, let schoolgirls live. I also love seeing how brands find a new way to approach the substyle every year, with stripes or chiffon or whatever else they can think of. (Pictured: Angelic Pretty's Fairy Marine OP 2014 rerelease)

As for favourite brands, I don’t know if it counts, but I have fond memories of looking through Baby’s shop when I was in high school and didn’t know much about lolita but knew those dresses were beautiful. I loved (and still love) looking at all the details -- the prints, the buttons, the lace... it’s probably what made me fall in love with lolita fashion in the first place! Plus I have to give them props for creating my dream dress!  (Pictured: Baby, the Stars Shine Bright's Paris Window Print JSK II)

Anonymous said to heckyeahlolitafashion:           Not really a question but my sister and I expressed our love of Lolita fashion and she basically said if we ever try to wear it we will be Hurt by guys and slut shamed us saying "only sluts would ever want to wear such cutesy babydoll clothes because even innocent clothes are fetishized and we should know better than that" and it just made me really sad bc we love Lolita and she seems to find something sexual about the most innocent of things :(

This breaks my heart because there is an unfortunate kernel of true in it: No matter what girls and women wear, there will always be someone who assumes we do it for male attention. The only advice I can offer is to hold your head high and feel secure in the knowledge that they are wrong, and quite possibly projecting their own insecurities onto you, which is their problem, not yours. That can be a scary first step, so you may want to start out by wearing lolita to places where it won’t stand out so much, such as meetups and conventions. If you and your sister wear lolita together, it can be an opportunity for you to give each other confidence. If you end up deciding that it’s more trouble than it’s worth, that’s okay too; don’t let anyone shame you for choosing your battles. But I hope that you and your sister can find the confidence to embrace your love of lolita fashion and dress how you want. Good luck! (Pictured: Momiji from Cat Street)